These chaotic mess Ted Cookies were inspired by my favorite line from Peacock’s Ted TV show:
Susan: “Oh, we have Doritos here at the house, honey.”
John: “We do?”
Susan: “Oh, yeah. Always.”
John: “Oh, that’s right. We’re trash”.
And thus, these cookies were born!
These are not bougie cookies trying make an appearance at your fancy dinner party.
These cookies are snacky vibes cookies—the kind of thing that happens when you crave a little salty-sweet ridiculousness.
The kind of cookie you crave when you’re in the mood for baking … perhaps while baked yourself.
Chewy brown sugar cookie studded with mini peanut butter M&Ms, stuffed with melty marshmallow, encrusted in Doritos crumbs. Ted and Johnny wouldn’t be able to turn these babies down!
Because why half-ass a crazy stoner cookie combo?
Also, if you haven’t watched Seth MacFarlane’s masterpiece show Ted yet, two full seasons (which may be all they’re making but I live in hope for more!) are available on Peacock, and I can’t recommend it strongly enough if you love slightly edgy, kinda dirty comedy. Especially with big-time stoner vibes.
Ted Cookies Ingredients:
- Butter – I prefer unsalted, so I’m in control of the saltiness levels of the cookies – but if all you have is salted butter, that’s fine; just skip the additional salt.
- Brown sugar – I used dark brown sugar for deeper butterscotch flavors, but light brown sugar works just fine too.
- A large egg – Just one, about 55 grams in shell.
- Vanilla extract – For a deeper, well-rounded cookie flavor.
- All-purpose flour – Enough for a cookie that holds its shape enough without a long chill period, but not so much that it’s unpleasantly hard. Weigh it for best results.
- Baking soda and baking powder – Yes, both are needed here for the best texture.
- Fine sea salt – I prefer fine sea salt in baking, but any salt is okay here because we’re not using a ton.
- Peanut Butter M&Ms – I love the extra PB flavor SO much here. I used mini PB M&Ms because they’re cute lol. But any little or chopped chocolate candy will work – even chocolate chips are fine here.
- Marshmallows – Large preferred for maximum gooeyness, but a few minis will work just fine if needed.
- Doritos – I recommend Nacho Cheese but Cool Ranch works well too. Honestly any chip will work, but I love the flavor of the seasoned corn chips.
Overview of How to Make Ted Cookies:
- Blitz the Doritos in a food processor until they’re crumbs (or place in a zip-top bag with all the air squeezed out and smash with a rolling pin or mallet until they’re almost dust)
- Melt the butter, then whisk in the sugar
- Whisk in egg and vanilla
- Stir in dry ingredients
- Fold in M&M
- Portion the dough into balls, flattening each with your palms and wrapping around a marshmallow
- Roll in crushed Doritos
- Bake at 375°F for 9–12 minutes
- Cool slightly, then serve post-blunt while watching Ted
A Little Baking Science (because it’s fun!):
- Melted butter = chew and simplicity. No creaming = less air = denser, softer cookies. Exactly what we want here. Plus, it’s easier to make and no mixer is needed!
- Chilling the dough isn’t optional. It keeps the cookies from spreading too much – but don’t worry, it’s just a brief chill (15-20 minutes) in the freezer while the oven preheats. If you want to prep these the day before, the cookies will be thicker and chewier once baked, but I formulated these cookies to not rely on that, because we can’t always wait for cookies, especially when we’re high lol.
- Marshmallow = gooey magic. It melts a little and creates that satisfyingly gooey pull, and a delightfully sweet balance to the salty exterior.
- Doritos totally work SO WELL here. Salt + fat + umami + crunch. Your brain reads it as “snack perfection” even if your logic is like ‘wait what???’ Plus, who doesn’t crave Doritos when you’re baked?
Notes for the Late-Night Baker
- If a marshmallow leaks out: congrats, you made a crispy edge bonus. No worries!
- If you eat three in a row standing over the sink: normal behavior
- If you start thinking about other chips to try next time: we should be friends
How to Store “We’re Trash” Cookies
Store completely-cooled Ted Cookies at room temperature inside an airtight for up to 4 days. If desired, microwave for 10 seconds or so to bring back the marshmallow goo vibes. I don’t recommend freezing these cookies.
More TV and Film-Inspired Baking:
- Rocky Cookies – Inspired by Project Hail Mary
- Cube of Cheese Cookies – Inspired by The Devil Wears Prada
- Interview with the Vampire Cookies
- Parks & Recreation Cookies
- Ted Lasso Cookies
Ted Cookies aka “Oh That’s Right, We’re Trash” Cookies
Ted Cookies were inspired by one of my favorite lines from the Peacock TV Show. They're the perfect combo of salty-sweet, with brown sugar cookie dough, Peanut Butter M&Ms, and gooey marshmallow center, all rolled in Doritos crumbs, for the ultimate stoner snack.
Ingredients
- 100 grams (3.5 oz) Doritos, approximately 40 whole chips. I prefer Nacho Cheese flavor
- 1 stick (113 grams) unsalted butter, cubed
- 1 cup (200 grams) light brown sugar
- 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
- 1 large egg
- 1 ½ (195 grams) all-purpose flour, measured accurately
- ¼ teaspoon baking soda
- ¾ teaspoons baking powder
- ¼ teaspoon salt
- 1 cup (200 grams) mini Peanut Butter M&Ms, or any small candy or chocolate chips
- 14 large marshmallows
Instructions
- Place the Doritos in the bowl of a food processor fitted with an S blade. Blitz until small crumbs. Alternatively, place Doritos in a zip-top bag with all the air squeezed out and smash with a rolling pin or mallet until they're crumbs. Place in a shallow bowl and set aside.
- Line light-colored rimmed baking sheets with parchment paper. Set aside.
- In a large heatproof bowl, place the cubed butter. Place in the microwave and heat on half power until melted. Add the light brown sugar and whisk well until combined.
- Add the egg and vanilla extract. Whisk until incorporated. Scrape down the bottom and sides of the bowl.
- Add the flour, baking soda, baking powder, and salt. Mix with a rubber spatula until almost incorporated.
- Add the M&Ms and fold until just combined.
- Use a large 3-Tablespoon cookie scoop to portion the cookie dough into 14 balls.
- Flatten each dough ball out with your fingers, to about 3" in diameter. Place a marshmallow inside each cookie dough disc and wrap the edges of the dough around the marshmallow, covering it completely. Roll each ball in Dorito crumbs and place on prepared baking sheets, leaving a few inches to allow for spreading.
- Preheat oven to 375°F / 190°C. While the oven preheats, place the cookie dough balls in the freezer – about 15-20 minutes is perfect.
- Bake for 9 to 12 minutes, or until lightly golden brown and set at the edges. Sprinkle any remaining Doritos crumbs over the tops of the baked cookies, especially where the marshmallow may be poking through.
- Allow cookies to cool on baking pans before serving. Let cookies cool for at least 15 minutes before serving and use caution when biting into the center or breaking apart.
Notes
Shaping Thicker Cookies: Immediately out of the oven, run a round cookie cutter that’s slightly larger in size than the cookies around the edges of the hot cookies. This pulls their edges in slightly and makes uniform, perfectly round, slightly thicker cookies.
Storage: Ted Cookies can be stored, once completely cooled, inside an airtight container for about 4 days.
Important: Use caution once the cookies are baked, as the marshmallow center becomes extremely hot during baking and may cause burns if eaten or even picked up too soon.
